Karl’s Diary. April 15, 2006.
Tagged
pilkington
I don’t like fun.
Ricky:What do you think about Dali? Melting clocks and stuff?
Karl:I mean, the first one was all right, when he did the first clock, but then, all the time. He's just like, 'Oh, I'll draw something and it's got a melting clock on it. I'll do a sheep, put one of them on it.'
Ricky:Have you seen his lobster telephone?
Karl:That annoys me.
Ricky:Why?
Karl:Because it's just... it's not... I mean, I think what annoyed me more with that is when I heard about how it happened. He had some artist mate round, right? And, I don't know what happened-
Ricky:Oh, okay. That's a hell of an anecdote.
Karl:No, no, but they were eating some food and what have you.
Stephen:Lobsters?
Karl:And uh, yeah, they were eating lobster, and uh, I don't know, the other artist, whoever it was, starting saying 'Oh, you and your clocks' and all that, right?
Ricky:Brilliant. This didn't happen.
Karl:They started arguing and he chucked some of the lobster-
Ricky:Bollocks.
Karl:And it bounced off his mate's head, went on the phone, and they both looked at each other, like 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' and they brought out that phone as a bit of art. Things like that annoy me. Because it was them just messing about.
Ricky:No, it didn't happen.
Karl:Just telling you what I know. I saw his work. Each to his own, if that's what he's doing. I'm just saying I'm not putting my stamp of approval on it.
Karl’s Diary. April 25, 2006.
St. Karl the Bewildered
Karl:You can know too much, where it gets you down.
Ricky:Go on.
Karl:I just was reading something about an octopus, that's like a killer octopus. And it annoyed me that this was knocking about now. Because I didn't know, I thought they were quite friendly. Whenever you see them in cartoons and that, they're always happy, aren't they, and then suddenly they've brought the whole sort of creature down. Do you know what I mean?
Ricky:No, what do you mean?
Karl:Just whenever you see them in films they're always running about and that and everybody likes an octopus. But this one - it was your fault, really, because you told me about the frog that's going about killing people.
Ricky:No, I didn't say that.
Karl:So I looked it up on the internet, at like, other creatures and stuff -
Ricky:Dot com -
Karl:And there's some octopus that's in the sea, and what it does, you don't even have to, like, threaten it. It just spits in the water, and if that stuff gets on you, it does you in. So in a way, it's good knowledge because, I mean, I don't go in the sea because it's full of stuff like that, but that's just reassured me that I'm doing the right thing. If they're knocking about just gozzing everywhere, you don't even have to be near one, you don't even know if it's been spitting and stuff, it can kill you. It just seems unfair. I haven't harmed it, I haven't gone near it, why is it getting annoyed with me? Doesn't seem right. So that's where knowledge has not helped that octopus out, because now, when you eat them, I just think "Yeahhh, have another one." Do you know what I mean? Get rid of 'em.
I don’t like jellyfish.
They’re not a fish, they’re just a blob.
They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
Get rid of ‘em.
They’re not a fish, they’re just a blob.
They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
Get rid of ‘em.
Would you like to be a happier pig? Well, fuck off then. Stop wasting my time.
